Large as Life Jokes

Q: What do you call an elephant with a T.V. in it's stomach?
A: An Eletubby.

Q: What do you call a dream about elephants? 
A: An elephantasy

Q: Why did the elephants put on armour?
A: Because he was into heavy metal.

Q: What do you call an elephant with a fat tummy?
A: A Bellyphant.

Q: Where do elephants shop?
A: At the jumbo sale.

Q: Where do elephants go on holiday?
A: Tuskany.

Q: What did the Speak-Your-Weight machine say to the elephant?
A: Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Q: What do you get if you mix an elephant with a strawberry?
A: Jambo.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with some locusts?
A: I'm not sure, but if they ever swarm - watch out!

Q: What do you get if you cross a worm with an elephant?
A: Big holes in your garden.

Q: What do you get if you cross a mouse with an elephant?
A: Big holes in your skirting board.

Q: How can you prevent an elephant from charging?
A: Take away it's credit card.

Boy: What's the biggest ant in the world?
Girl: My aunt Fatima.
Boy: No , it's an elephant.
Girl: You obviously haven't met my aunt Fatima.

Q: What is Smokey the Elephant's middle name?
A: The.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a spider?
A: I don't know, but if it crawled over your ceiling the house would collapse.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with the abomiable sowman?
A: A jumbo yeti.

A cannibal was walking through the jungle when he came to a clearing and saw a freshly-killed elephant lying down with a pigmy standing on top of it, brandishing a big stick and doing a victory dance. "Have you just killed that elephant?" asked the cannibal. "Yes," replied the pigmy, "I did it with my club."
"Wow," said the cannibal, "you must have a big club!"
"Yes" replied the pigmy, "there are about 40 of us in it!"

"Why are you tearing up your homework notebook and seattering the pieces around the playground?" a furious teacher asked one of her pupils. 
"To keep the elephants away, Miss." 
"There are no elephants."
"Shows how effective it is then, doesn't it?"

"Please, Miss!" said a little boy at kindergarten.. 
"We're going to play elephants and circuses, do you want to join in?"
"I'd , love to," said the teacher. "What do you want me to do?"
"You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts!"

Q: Which animals were the last to leave Noah's Ark?
A: The elephants - they were packing their trunks.

Q: What's the best thing to give a seasick elephant?
A: Plenty of room.

Q: Why did the elephant paint her head yellow?
A: To see if blondes really do have more fun.

Anna: I was top of the class last week.
Mum: How did you manage that?
Anna: I managed to answer a question about elephants.
Mum: What question?
Anna: Well, the teacher asked us how many legs an elephant had, and I said five.
Mum: But that wasn't right.
Anna: I know, but it was the nearest anyone got.

My dad is so short-sighted he can't get to sleep unless he counts elephants.

Did you hear about the ogre who threw trunks over cliffs? Nothing special about that, you might think - but the elephants were still attached.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and peanut butter?
A: An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Q: How does an elephant go up a tree? 
A: It sits on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From jumping out of tall trees.

A scotsman paying his visit to the zoo stopped by one of the cages.
"An' whut animal would that be?" he asked the keeper.
"That's a moose from Canada," came the reply.
"A moose!" exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots - they mus ha' rats like elephants over there."

Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been sleeping in your bed?
A: The shees are wrinkled and the bed smells of peanuts.

Q: Is the squirt from an elephant's trunk very powerful?
A: Of course - a jumbo jet can keep 500 people in the air for hours at a time.

Q: How do you make an elephant sandwich?
A: First of all you get a very large loaf

Q: What is the difference between a gooseberry and an elephant?
A: Pick them up - an elephant is usually heavier.

If you cross an elephant with a goldfish, would you get swimming trunks?

Remember: When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.

Elephants are modest - they bathe with their trunks.

Q: How do elephants climb down trees?
A: They sit on a leaf and wait 'til fall.

Q: How can you tell if there are elephants in you refrigerator?
A: Footprints in cream cheese.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they don't have glove compartments.

Q: How do you know peanuts are flattering? 
A: Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?

Q: How do you fit elephants into a mini?
A: With great difficulty.

Q: How many elephants can you fit into a mini?
A: Two in the front and to in the back.

Q: How many rhinocerouses can you get into a mini?
A: Four, take the elephants out first.