Waiter, Waiter Jokes

Waiter, waiter! There are flies on my soup!
Would you prefer soup on your flies, sir?

Waiter, waiter! Is there vegetable soup on the menu?
No sir, I'm afraid I have a bad cold.

Waiter, waiter! There's a small foot in my soup.
You did order a child's portion, madam.

Waiter, waiter! This lamb is raw! 
This is a pet shop, sir.

Waiter, waiter! I ordered fish fingers. You've brought me fish.
The fingers come as a side dish, sir.

Waiter, waiter! There's a small ram under my table.
You asked for a little butter.

Waiter, waiter! This chicken tastes really tough.
I'm afraid it was eaten by a fox, sir.

Waiter, waiter! There's a hole in my soup bowl.
You did order leak soup, madam.

Waiter, waiter! Why have I got Parmesan cheese on my steak?
You haven't, sir, it's your dandruff

Waiter, waiter! Why is there an alarm clock in my meal?
You asked for Chicken Tikka, I believe.

Waiter, waiter! There's a slug in my salad. 
I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realise you are a vegetarian.

Waiter, waiter! There's a slug in my dinner.
Don't worry, sir, theres no extra charge.

Waiter, waiter! There's a slug in my lettuce.
Sorry, madam, no pets alowed here.

Waiter, waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup. 
Yes, madam, they can't stand the boiling water.

Waiter, waiter! Do you have frogs' legs?
Yes, sir.
Well then, hop into he kitchen for my soup.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup.
Yes, that's the manager, sir. The last customer was a witch doctor.

Waiter, waiter! My lunch is talking to me!
Well, you asked for a tongue sandwich, sir.

Waiter, waiter! Do you serve snails?
Sit down, sir, we'll serve anyone.

Waiter, waiter! Can I have frogs legs?
Well, I suppose but you'd need surgery!

Waiter, waiter! What's this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae?
I think it's sking downhill!

Waiter, waiter! There's a hair in my soup?
Is it brown or purple? We seem to have lost a monster somewhere.

Waiter, waiter! Could I have a mammoth steak, please?
With pleasure, sir.
No, with ketcup, please.

Waiter, waiter! I can't eat this meat, it's crawling with maggots.
Quick, run to the other end of the table, you can catch it as it goes by.

Waiter, waiter! There's a slug in my lettuce. 
Quiet, everybody will want one.

Waiter, waiter ! You have your thumb on my steak!
I know sir, I don't want it to fall on the floor again!

Waiter, waiter! This lobster's only got one claw.
It must have ben in a fight, sir.
Then bring me the winner.

Waiter, waiter! Why is my apple pie all mashed up?
You did ask me to step on it, sir.

"Waiter, waiter," called a diner at the Monster Café.
"There's a hand in my soup."
"That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bowl."

Waiter, waiter! What is this fly doing in the alphabet soup?
Learning how to spell, sir.


Waiter, waiter! There's a bird in my soup.
That's all right, sir. It's bird's nest soup

Waiter, waiter! Your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir. It's not shrinkable.

Waiter, waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.
I'm not surprised, sir, it was ground only a few minutes ago.

Waiter, waiter! Does the pianist play requests?
Yes, sir.
Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal.

Waiter, waiter! I don't like the flies in here.
Well, come back tomorrow, we'll have new ones by then!

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my strawberry blancmange!
Would you prefer it to be served seperately, sir?

Waiter, I must say that I don't like all the flies in this dinig room!
Tell me which ones you don't like and I'll chase them out for you.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup.
What do you expect for two pounds, sir? A beetle.?

Waiter,waiter! There`s a dead fly in my soup!
Yes, sir, he`s commited insecticide.

Waiter, waiter! There`s a cockroach on my steak.
They don`t seem to care what they eat, do they, sir?

Waiter, waiter! There`s a maggot in my salad.
Don`t worry, he won`t live long in that stuff.

Waiter, waiter! There`s a spider in my soup.
It`s hardly deep enough to drown him , sir.

Waiter, waiter! There`s a wasp in my pudding.
So, that`s where they go in the winter.

Waiter, waiter! There`s a fly in my wine.
Well, you did ask for something with a little body, sir

Waiter, waiter! There`s a mosquito in my soup.
Don`t worry sir, mosquitoes have very small appitites.

Waiter, waiter! What`s this dead fly doing on my meat?
I don`t know, madam, it must have died after tasting it

Waiter, waiter! There`s a spider in my soup. send for the manager!
It`s no good, sir, he`s frightened them too.

Waiter, waiter! There`s a beetle in my soup.
Sorry, sir, we`re out of flies today.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in the butter.
Yes, sir, it's a butterfly.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup.
Don't panic, sir. I'll call the R.S.P.C.A.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup.
Don't panic, sir, the spider in your bread wil get it.

Waiter, waiter! There's a bee in my alphabet soup.
Yes, sir, and I hope there's an A, a C, and all the other letters, too.

Waiter, waiter! There are two flies in my soup.
That's all right, sir. Have the extra one on me.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup.
Just a minute, sir, I'll get the fly spray.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my custard. 
I know, it's the rotten fruit that attracts them.

Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup.
Oh, no! Who's going to look after his family?

Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy-crawly thing doing in my lettuce?
I think he's trying to get out, madam.

Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy-crawly thing doing in my dinner?
Oh, that one - he comes here every night.

Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy-crawly thing doing waltzing round my table?
It's the band, sir, there playing his tune.

Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy-crawly thing doing on my wife's shoulder?
I don't know - friendly little thing, isn't he?


Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my starter. Get rid of it would you?
I can't do that, sir, he hasn't had his main course yet.

Waiter, waiter! There's a teeny tiny beetle in my brocolli.
I'll see if I can find a big one madam.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup.
Go ahead and eat him. There are plenty more where he came from.

Sir, you haven't touched your custard. 
No I'm waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline.

Waiter, waiter! What's this cockroach doing in my soup?
We ran out of flies.

Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly swimming in my soup.
Nonsense, sir, dead flies can't swim.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup!
And what's the problem, sir?
I ordered slug soup.

Waiter, waiter! What kind of insect is this I've found in my dinner?
I don't know, sir, I can't tell one breed from the other.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my bean soup.
Don't worry sir, I'll take it back and exchange it for a bean.

Waiter, waiter! Did you know there is a fly in my soup?
That's not a fly, sir, it's just dirt in the shape of a fly.

Waiter, waiter! This food isn't fit for a pig!
All right, sir, I'll get you some that is.

Why do waiters prefer monsters to flies?
Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a monster in their soup?

Waiter, waiter! Are there snails on the menu?
Oh, yes, sir, they must have escaped from the kitchen.

Waiter, waiter! Those peas were really hard.
You've just eaten your necklace madam.

Waiter, waiter! There's a dead beetle in my gravy.
Yes, sir. Beetles arer terrible swimmers.

Waiter, waiter! There's a flea in my soup.
Tell him to hop it.

Waiter, waiter! There's a cockroach in my soup!
Yes, sir, the fly is on holiday.

Waiter, waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup!
The backstroke, I believe, sir.